


Hold On

by emda



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gen, M/M, PG-13, Temporary Character Death, frienship!Neo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7843681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emda/pseuds/emda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taekwoon has a horrible nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing VIXX, first time writing Canon. It was a super hard challenge for me so I'm sorry if I didn’t reach anyone’s expectations. This is just a very centered Leo fic with some hints of Keo. I was the only one who revise it so all the mistakes you might find are my own.  
> Hopefully you will enjoy it.

“I had such a scary and bad nightmare. You left me forever.” – Eternity by VIXX

 

_Taekwoon opens Jaehwan’s bedroom door and leans his body on the door frame as he sees Jaehwan scrambling to hide a jar and his bruises from the continuous practice they have in preparation for their comeback._

_Taekwoon pushes himself of the doorframe and walks towards Jaehwan’s bed. He uncovers the jar, grabs it and sits on the bed. He gently grabs Jaehwan’s arm and pushes the shirt sleeve away revealing a bruise wrist. Taekwoon could almost swear he can see the imprint of his hands. He almost wants to kiss the bruises away but settles with taking care of Jaehwan to his best abilities._

_He places Jaehwan’s wrist on his lap as he opens the jar and scoops a generous amount of the soothing paste. He gently spreads it over the bruises, paying attention not to leave a single centimeter uncoated. Taekwoon pulls the sleeves into place before surprising Jaehwan by grabbing his legs and rest them on his lap._

_“I can do this by myself.” Taekwoon nod at Jaehwan’s words_

_“But I want to help. Some of this bruises are my fault.” Taekwoon explains._

_Jaehwan shakes his head and bit back a smile. “Should I demand Hakyeon, Hongbin and Sanghyuk to rub ointment on the bruises they made?” Taekwoon glare at Jaehwan but lessens the glare as a smile blooms on Jaehwan’s full lips._

_“This is nice.” Jaehwan whispers._

_“What’s nice?” Taekwoon asks_

_“Being care for. Specially coming from you. It means you notice.” Jaehwan says._

_Taekwoon feels a strange pull on his heart. “I care. You know that Jaehwannie, right?_

_Jaehwan gives him one of his rare soft warm smiles. “I know but is nice when you show it.”_

\--------------- 

Taekwoon lay on his bed, relaxing his mind until he seamlessly slips through the dream world.

He found himself adjusting the ear plug that aids him to hear his voice, his members voice and the music clearly. He adores the fan chants but without the earplugs is really difficult to hear the music and sing in sync with it.  
He walks with the rest of the members and take their respective positions. He grabs Jaehwan’s wrist firmly and waits for the music to start. Taekwoon can’t really say if the time slows down but he clearly remembers seeing Jaehwan flying up and slipping from everyone’s hands, his head landing first on the floor.

The fans start to scream, the music stops, the recording stops and everyone is around Jaehwan checking if he is okay. Taekwoon sees that he doesn’t respond and next thing he knows he is in the hospital.

The white walls and freezing cold numbs his senses. He watches his manager pace from one side to the other. Sanghyuk is still sobbing besides a shock Hongbin & Wonshik is trying to calm a hysteric Hakyeon. The don’t know how is Jaehwan & the waiting is killing them.

Taekwoon finds himself press to a window beside his members, staring at a sleeping Jaehwan. His head is wrap around a medic bandage, it looks tight and uncomfortable. ‘The thing Jaehwan needs the most is comfort’ Taekwoon thought.

He vaguely hears the doctor telling their manager that the concoction on the head was extremely serious and they had to operate him to remove blood clots in his brain. It dawns on Taekwoon the seriousness of Jaehwan’s condition if the doctors saw the need to operate him.

He tries to tune out the rest of the conversation without much success.

“We don’t know if he ever will wake up.” is the last thing Taekwoon hears before he wakes up.

Taekwoon takes a couple of minutes to catch his breath, the nightmare clinging to the corner of his mind.

He throws the blanket to the side and walks towards the room Jaehwan is sleeping. He opens the door just enough to see Jaehwan on his bed, sound asleep. Taekwoon feels the know on his stomach lessen as he closes the door and goes back to his bed.

\-------------------- 

Taekwoon frown a little when their choreographer explains it to them the first moves of the first verse. He kept his frown as Hakyeon position his body, face down, and sees their dance teacher explain how Jaehwan should hold Hakyeon’s shoulders and push him up.

Taekwoon didn’t like how it felt a little bit like voodoo doll’s dance beginning. He tries not to imagine the bruises Hakyeon’s shoulder will get. Their dance teacher pulls him out of his thoughts to explain to him the same thing he explain to Jaehwan. They try for a couple of times until they push Hakyeon with enough force and finesse to not send him flying out nor having to catch him before he faceplant on the floor.

The frown comes back as the dance teacher instructs Jaehwan to lay down on the floor and cross his arms over his chest and signal Sanghyuk and himself to grab Jaehwan from the back of his shoulders to push him forward. Granted, this was a safer move compare to the Voodoo Doll choreography but it is the memories of countless bruises and countless time of rubbing some ointment to help heal the bruises that makes Taekwoon almost angry at how the choreography is beginning.

Taekwoon tries not to remember the nightmares. He feels enough guilt from the memories of a bruised Jaehwan to add the horrifying nightmare that’s been plaguing his mind.

He knows he is overreacting and he is aware Jaehwan isn’t a fragile boy, still the nightmares keep flashing before his eyes and it takes almost all of his concentration to hold down his temperament and focus on getting it right to avoid any accidents.

They keep practicing the two moves until they learn it by muscle memory. He sees Jaehwan rolling his shoulders to ease the ache of the continued push from Sanghyuk and himself. They learn new movies until they reach the end of the first chorus. The teacher ends it there and tells Hakyeon to keep them practicing. 

Hakyeon calls for a short break and everyone splits away to drink water or snack on something until it's time to eat something. Taekwoon pushes his hair off his sweaty forehead before taking a big gulp of water. A moment later Jaehwan is standing in front of him asking, almost whining, for a shoulder rub. 

“Taekwoonnie hyung, please.” Jaehwan plead using his high pitch voice. 

“Ask Sanghyuk.” Taekwoon says

“I already did and he already gave me a massage.” Jaehwan responds.

“Then why you are asking me for one?” Taekwoon gives Jaehwan a puzzle stare

Jaehwan stomp his feet in protest. “Because the shoulder you push is the one that hurts the most. Take responsibility.” 

Taekwoon sigh, made a signal to Jaehwan to turn around, set his bottle on the floor and starts the task of massaging the pain away of Jaehwan tire muscles. Taekwoon massage Jaehwan for a couple of minutes but stop when Hakyeon call for them. Jaehwan gives him a small thank you before running towards the leader. Taekwoon scratch his head before returning to his members and back to practicing. 

\-------- 

“Is not your fault Taekwoon-ah” were the last words Taekwoon remembers hearing Hakyeon say to him as his tries to shakes the last images of his recurring nightmare. Tonight it is one of those nights he didn't end up sleeping in the same room as Jaehwan. They weren't super strict with rooming, knowing their different schedules at times could lead to change roommates often than regular. 

Taekwoon touches the cold floor with his feet and silently walks towards the room he knows Jaehwan is sleeping. He opens the door carefully and stares at the rise and fall movement of Jaehwan’s chest under the blanket.

‘He is alive.’ Taekwoon thought and heave a sigh in relief before silently closing the door. He checks the clock near their kitchen and sees it is only a couple of hours before he has to wake up. There is a blanket on one of the couch arms so he decides to just crash there until he has to wake up.

Taekwoon closes his eyes and just a few seconds after he close his eyes Hongbin is poking his shoulder,

“Hyung, you left your phone in the room and your alarm went off.” Taekwoon hears Hongbin explain as he tosses the device on Taekwoon’s chest. Taekwoon murmurs a soft thank you to a retreating Hongbin. Just as he sits down on the couch, blinking the sleep away, Hakyeon comes out of his room and looks at him. 

“Where you sleeping on the couch?” Hakyeon asks.

“Just for a little while.” Taekwoon replies as he gets up and walks towards the kitchen. 

Hakyeon stares hard at Taekwoon. “Are you okay?”

Taekwoon gives his friend a side glance before nodding. Taekwoon goes about his morning routines and before he sits down to eat some breakfast he prepares what he knows Jaehwan eats almost every morning. 

He hits a couple of curious hands that had the intention to prey on Jaehwan’s unattended breakfast but Taekwoon is fast and unforgiving. He knows he got a few looks, a long one from Hakyeon he is sure of that but no one dare to say anything that early in the morning. When Jaehwan finally comes around the little dining area they have, Taekwoon points at him and taps the covered food. Taekwoon doesn't miss the surprise in Jaehwan’s face but decides to ignore it, as he ignores the stare he feels is coming from Hakyeon. 

“Thanks hyung.” Jaehwan says

“Next time come to eat earlier, not every day I can successfully defend your food from all of these hungry people.” Taekwoon responds

“People!” Hakyeon sputters while Sanghyuk laugh at his reaction. Hongbin was trying to wake up Wonshik before he choke on his half eaten kimbap. 

\----------  
Taekwoon comes to a dark and silent apartment from his late schedule. He takes his shoes off let it them fall hazardly on the entry floor. He tries to be silent and when he is halfway through the living room he sees a shadow from the corner of his eyes. He stops, turns and looks hard towards the shadow. Taekwoon takes a couple of steps near it and realize is Jaehwan curl on the corner of the sofa, headphones tight over his ears and fast asleep.

“Jaehwan-ah” Taekwoon calls as he shakes Jaehwan’s shoulder in hopes to wake him up without startling him. Taekwoon watches Jaehwan stirring up, blinking a couple of times to get rid of the sleepiness in his eyes.

“Hyung?” Taekwoon hears Jaehwan whispering. Taekwoon nods as he circles Jaehwan’s wrist with his much larger fingers and pulls him towards the bedroom to sleep.

Jaehwan stumble behind Taekwoon until he is shove into his bed. Taekwoon walks away but Jaehwan holds him by the corner of his shirt. Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon and Taekwoon knows what Jaehwan is asking. Years of the younger pleading silently to stay with him, especially the times he is scared out of his mind.

“Bathroom, will be back.” Taekwoon whispers and Jaehwan lets him go. 

When Taekwoon returns to the bedroom he sees Jaehwan all curl up, looking very warm inside the blanket. He slips inside the blanket, besides Jaehwan who whines from the sudden cold hitting his warm body and Taekwoon can’t hide the small smile on his face.

He always finds Jaehwan to be extremely cute, sometimes annoying and most of the time he is both but he is very fond of the younger main vocal. He and Jaehwan are so extreme polar opposite that Taekwoon can’t help being pull towards the other. He just finds Jaehwan so fascinating. Hakyeon always joke that maybe he might be a little in love with Jaehwan but as he looks at the sleeping face of the younger male Taekwoon thinks everyone in VIXX is a little bit in love with Jaehwan.

Taekwoon tries to find a more comfortable position to sleep when Jaehwan tries to say something but it comes out as gibberish causing Taekwon to release a breathy laugh.

“Go back to sleep.” Taekwoon says as he wraps his arm around Jaehwan’s torso.

Jaehwan murmurs more gibberish as Taekwoon pet his hair into dreamland.

\---------------- 

Taekwoon feels the hand of Hakyeon on his shoulder tighten. He turns to look, almost glare at his friend but stop once he sees the serious face Hakyeon was donning. 

“We need to have a talk.” Hakyeon says as he pulls Taekwoon to one of the individual practice room and push the lock botton of the door. 

His friend turns to stare at him and Taekwoon knows Hakyeon. He will stare him down until he says something.

“What do you want to talk about?” Taekwoon asks

“Something is going on between you and Jaehwan?” Taekwoon blinks at Hakyeon’s question

“Something like what?” 

“I dont know, thats why Im asking you. You have been way too good to Jaehwan. Did you lost a bet that I didn’t know of?” 

Taekwoon shakes his head and sigh.

“Is nothing like that. What is wrong about taking care of one of my younger members?”

“Nothing, but there are three more that are feeling slightly left out. Do you like Jaehwan?”

Taekwoon looks directly into Hakyeon’s eyes.

“Of course I like Jaehwan.”

Hakyeon shakes his head. “No, Taekwoon-ah. I’m asking if you like Jaehwan as more than a member, more than a friend.”

“You think I’m in love with Jaehwan?” Taekwoon asks

“It would makes sense with the way you look out for him, take care of him, heck even the way you stare at him. I didn’t want to say this but I’ve seen you leaning on his doorframe staring at him late at night while he and everyone else is asleep. And it’s okay with the rest of us if you like him. Just remember we have more members to take care of.”

Taekwoon shakes his head and pulls his hair.

“You got it all wrong Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon sigh and rubs his hand over his face, that gesture makes Taekwoon remember all the things Hakyeon has to look over as their leader and the oldest. 

“How I got it all wrong? If you don’t talk to me I can help you or support you or leave you alone. You know I’m not capable of that… at least not for a long time.” Taekwoon laughs. 

There is a couple of minutes of silence between them and Taekwoon is grateful for the patience Hakyeon is displaying today. 

“I’ve been having nightmares about Jaehwan.” Taekwoon confesses and he doesn't know if he feels relief or more dread since he voice it out. 

“Nightmares? What kind of nightmares?” Hakyeon asks softly.

“The kind of nightmares that the wrist of Jaehwan slips from my hand and he ends bagging his head on the floor so hard that puts him in coma. Sometimes he even dies. My mistakes not only breaks Jaehwan, it breaks us all. You might not understand because you haven’t seen the ghostly white crying face of Hyukie and Hongbin. You aren’t the one who sees Wonshik trying with all of his might to hold himself together for just a second. You haven’t seen yourself lose it. Hakyeon-ah I broke us all. We couldn’t, wouldn’t mend us. I didn’t saw Jaehwan die, I saw us all die. The brightest light we had got snuff of and we followed him. My mistake broke VIXX. I can’t let that happen.” Taekwoon whispers.

Understanding color Hakyeon’s eyes and he scoots to hug Taekwoon. Taekwoon doesn't pull away from the hug. He finds it hard to admit it but he needs to comfort of his friend. Hakyeon pats Taekwoon’s back a couple of times before pulling away from the hug. 

“You know Jaehwan won’t appreciate that the attention he is getting from you comes out of fear from a nightmare you’ve been having, right?” Taekwoon nods at the leader’s words.

“But Hakyeon-ah, I'm genuinely scare. The dangerous choreography almost always are assigned to Jaehwan.” Taekwoon lets himself whine to his friend.

“I know and you know why the obvious choice is Jaehwan. It doesn't mean we don’t care about him. We all do our best to assure Jaehwan’s security. We train and practice so we do the choregraphies free of mistakes, especially when one of the members could be at risk.” Taekwoon nods at Hakyeon’s words.

He knows all that. He still remembers the countless hours of practicing voodoo doll. All the long talks about precaution and correct ways of grabbing Jaehwan and the correct way to pull him without causing him an injury while making the movement look intricate and visually intriguing on stage. He knows all that but the nightmare feels so real in his mind that he can’t help to fear. Fear every time they have to performance Voodoo Doll. Fear this new choreography, even though it looks safe, just one wrong push could end with a mistake with horrifying consequences.

“Taekwoon-ah.” Hakyeon voice pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“I can see the fear peaking at the corner of your eyes. I know if the nightmares were centered about another member you wouldn't be this affected.” Taekwoon shakes his head and Hakyeon ignores him.

“We all know Jaehwan looks like he is the most fragile member but we all know he is not. You’ve been always fascinated by how different you and Jaehwan are. I think the fear is rooted in something more than just what you tell me the nightmare is about, but that’s a talk for another time. Still Taekwoon, you got to stop living inside of your nightmare. Jaehwan is very much alive and still super annoying and adorable. He is still around. VIXX is still around. Focus on that. Okay?” Hakyeon says and Taekwoon has no other choice to nod. 

Taekwoon will try, but he is so scare. He never been this scared before. Never. 

\------------- 

Taekwoon feels the deja vu before he realize why he felt it. It is like his nightmare came out of his mind and into the real world. He stares in shock at the clothing his members are wearing. ‘Those were the ones we wore in my nightmare” Taekwoon thought. 

Taekwoon fidgets for a little while before he hears someone, maybe Wonshik or Hongbin asking if he was okay. He dismissed them and try to win over the fear that wants to paralyze him. He looks each of his members and slowly Taekwoon feels his resolve. 

 

Hi will not let the nightmare come to reality. He feels like he is having an epiphany just moments before going on stage. The best way to look out for Jaehwan is to do his job without any kind of mistake. 

‘This is what Hakyeon was trying to tell you the other day’ a small voice inside Taekwoon’s head whispers.

Taekwoon rolls his shoulders before walking on stage. They all take their places and he holds Jaehwan’s wrist with a iron tight resolve. Taekwoon focus on the dance and on the notes like he has never done before. In a blink of an eye they complete Voodoo Doll and Eternity without mistakes.

Once they are backstage everyone is praising him for his stellar performance. Tell Taekwoon how well his body move, how he didn’t miss any beat and how his voice was crystal clear. He gives everyone a small smile, feeling embarrassed by all the compliments he was getting. 

Jaehwan high on the performance rush to hug and ruffle Taekwoon’s hair. Taekwoon is tempted to hit Jaehwan but his smile was so big and so bright that Taekwoon doesn’t have the heart to do so. 

He feels the burning glare of Hakyeon through the mirror. He looks at his friend reflection and Hakyeon gives him a knowing smirk. Taekwon rolls his eyes at how annoying his friend and leader is. 

He sits on one of the unoccupied couch and observes his goofy members joke around. He burns their happy faces on his minds and hopes it would push away his nightmare. He realize he was staring without really looking when someone call for him. His eyes focus and the first face he sees is a smiley Jaehwan calling him to go with them, but Taekwoon shakes his head. Jaehwan gives him another smile and he feels an ache inside his heart, one he's been trying to ignore but one that his ever observant friend knows. 

And if as Taekwoon call him with his mind Hakyeon sits beside him, content to like him to just watch the other four members joke around with each other. 

“I’m up for having that second conversation.” Hakyeon says after a couple of minutes of silence. 

“Not today Hakyeon-ah.” Taekwoon responds.

“Next week, perhaps?” Hakyeon asks

“Not happening anytime soon.” 

Taekwoon sees from the corner of his eyes Hakyeon opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. 

“Not even this year?” Hakyeon asks, a little desperate

“How about never ever.” Taekwoon answers

“You wouldn’t.”

“You know I would.”

“Taekwoon-ah.” Hakyeon screech and Taekwoon can’t really hide his laughter anymore. It doesn’t happen often for him but when he gets to rile up Hakyeon it is always fun.

When Taekwoon stops laughing and Hakyeon stops feeling offended, Hakyeon heaves a sigh. 

“You would talk to me about it, right? If you needed to?” Hakyeon asks, his tone a bit insecure.

“When I make peace with the way I feel, if I ever make peace, I will.” Taekwoon confesses and they both resume watching the younger members and their funny antics. Thoughts and conversations about feelings left for another time. 

For now Taekwoon decides his time is best spend at helping his members be happy. That’s the best way for him to push his nightmare away from his brain. He will be sure to hold on tight to them so they never go away.


End file.
